Where it all begins

So as seems only appropriate as the first post on my blog, Husband, get me a goat, I am going to discuss some feelings about goats that I have been having lately. Specifically my need to have one.  I mean, I really, really want one. Ever since I sniffed a baby goat at the Hopkinton Fair early this September, I have been infected with some kind of crazy goat craving. Two nights ago I even had a dream I was swimming, well more wading, in a giant tub of baby goats.  Tommy and I had joked  innocently this summer about employing a pack (herd?) of goats for easy lawn maintenance, but what happened after the fair has turned  into something much, much deeper.  Lest you think I am crazy let me give you a brief, but hopefully convincing, rundown on why goats are awesome. Firstly, the are frisky and frolic often, like bonafide frolicking. When any animal is given to frolic, even the iciest of  human hearts must warm, but a goat, a goat was made to frolic. With their springy, mountain climbers muscle’s they fling their rotund middles and strange cloven hooves so high above the grass and wild flowers that they seem to almost alight to heaven as they bound through the fields.

Baby goat demonstrating frolicking. Note hoof placement.

If this wasn’t enough for you, many types of goats have wattles. A mammal with wattles! So absurd, so pleasing! Also called a fleshy dewlap or caruncle, these amazing little flaps hang right under the chin; soft, squishy, neck udders perfect to caress and nuzzle. I cannot recommend any more emphatically that you, as soon as you possibly can, go out there and nuzzle a wattle. I mean it really changed me.

This handsome fellow is modeling his proud set of wattles.

Lastly, as I close this piece about goats, I want you to also consider this: goats have rectangular pupils. And while this phenomenon is not exclusive to goats (consider deer, horses and a few other hooved mammals), their irises are generally paler giving them a deeply, deeply creepy stare. Fantastic. Through this, and several other personal goat experiences ( I almost forgot to mention they also produce milk!) I have come to believe that goats are the next creature for me. “So”, you may say, “you are clearly a goat enthusiast, go forth and procure goats, let them grow fruitful and multiply.”  Alas, there is one problem.  Tommy is terrified of them. Damn.


10 responses to “Where it all begins

  1. Wanted: a wattle nuzzler. must have own job or retired. no ‘shallow hals’ need apply.

  2. Tommy, remain strong!!!! I have been down this road WAY TOO many times:) You are my hero! Don’t cave now- especially just before winter. She will settle down!

  3. Only you. Such a clever Penguin.

  4. P.S. Maybe your next entry can be “Billygoat don’t give a f—“. If you have seen the Youtube video “Crazy Nastass Honeybadger”, you will get the reference, if not go watch it NOW.

  5. Rachel, please allow us to offer our goats as a rehabilitation program for Tom and his goat phobias. I share your goat passions….except for the wattles part—I’m not fond of those. Lincoln and Marty barely top 30 lbs and they’re LAP goats. So much so that we have chairs in their pen so that cuddling them may not require sacrificing one’s back. Plus, they not only like humans, but dogs, cats…I’m sure undiscovered other species.

    The joie de vive in a goat is unlike any other creature. We gave them an old desk, knowing no goat can resist a height, and they joy they have with a furniture discard is a wonder.

    I know I will love this blog. So glad you are sharing it!

    • Thank you for the kind offer Lynne, I want to get Tommy on a goat exposure therapy regimen as soon as possible. I am shocked to find out that you are not a wattle enthusiast. Would you care to elaborate as to why you find wattles displeasing? I will understand if this is too personal a question and you wish not to answer.

  6. If my wife would agree to build some goat-proof Thunderdome like structure, I might consider it.

  7. I’ll be needing the home depot credit card. And Ben, yes this definitely requires Ben.

  8. You are a goober. But I love it. I looked and a group of goats can be a flock, herd or tribe and possibly a trip.
    Oh and I was wrong (*shocker!*) the multihorned creature was Jacob’s Sheep. Google them, they are kind of creepy.

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